so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
