She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
