She is in my trunk
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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