Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
