Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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