just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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