Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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