Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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