And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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