Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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