similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
