Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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