yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
