i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize