her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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