Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
