Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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