I smell stomach acid.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We are all done wearing pants today
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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