Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
