you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
