You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
