Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
