My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
