I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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