This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
