just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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