It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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