Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I stole a fireplace last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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