Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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