i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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