At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
