Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
