we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
