In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
