Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
