i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
