just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
