I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
