You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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