I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
