i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
