You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
