You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Boobs are out for the taking
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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