i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
