Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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