Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
