All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
