OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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