I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
