How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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