If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
