Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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