Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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