my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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