What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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