your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
