Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
